Resistance and Authenticity
Resistance keeps trying to get me to quit writing.
You know about Resistance, maybe you just call it something else. You may know it as procrastination, self-doubt, or the feeling that you’re too busy with ‘important’ things. Author Steven Pressfield describes Resistance as what lies between the life we live and the life within us.
“You must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our own unique genius.” - Steven Pressfield
It’s been one year since I last shared any writing that actually meant something to me beyond getting a good grade in a class or an acceptance into a higher education institution. Anytime I’ve tried to, Resistance crept in to remind me of the hundred other tasks I needed to complete and I set my own ideas by the wayside. I’ve burnt the candle of guilt on both ends; on one hand, I knew I could have found a couple hours a day to form my own thoughts and edit them into something worth reading about, and yet I couldn’t find the mental bandwidth for it. On the other hand, when I took 15 minutes to jot down a thought and let it carry my pen into a few paragraphs, I felt guilty for doing anything other than studying or researching for my final year of undergrad. Guilt and shame are the most deadly weapons in the world, and if you let them, they will kill your dreams.
“Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard, or smelled. But it can be felt… its aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.” - Steven Pressfield
I am not a full time writer, and among the many words I would use to describe my own writing, “genius” is not one I would ever choose. So to say I’ve been neglecting my own “genius” and that I’ve been distracted from my work does sound odd to say. But I keep getting pulled back into this art form to tell stories, to teach people something, or to relate to others with similar experiences, so Mr. Pressfield’s words resonate with me.
Resistance comes in many forms and it pushes one’s aspirations deep into negativity. It’s the critic that everyone fears will show up in the comments to point out every grammatical error, or to prove something we said is wrong, but lives only in our minds. Resistance asks me why anyone should listen to what I have to say, especially when there are hundreds or thousands of more “qualified” prospects out there that have more exciting stories to tell, are better writers, and have a clearer message. I suppose the answer to that is none of my business, and it is only my job to fight back and write anyway. Leo Jenkins wrote an incredible book called On Assimilation where he says,
“Frankly, it is my responsibility to talk about every aspect of my time in service so that the 99.5% of the population can hear it from someone who isn’t an actor.”
Writing is not the only creative endeavor that people who read this will want to take on, but I hope people will be able to read between the lines, take what works and leave the rest. No amount of experience will have ever been “enough” to make me feel validated to write it down and share it publicly. I’ve read stories written by other veterans, other athletes of various types, and other students that both inspire me to share my experiences and simultaneously make me question whether I have any business writing at all. All I ever wanted was a story worth sharing, and the only way I ever thought that would be possible was through living similarly to the stories I read in American Sniper and the like. But I recently read on another Substack that a writer’s job is to “show up, pay attention, and tell the truth.” We don’t need to have it all figured out before we begin, so long as what we create comes from a place of raw authenticity. Writing our true stories just may keep some of us from sleepwalking through our lives.
One of my worst fears in publishing any kind of writing, even in an informal setting, is that I will run out of things to say. That one day the well will run dry, and I’ll have no more lessons to draw from and impart some kind of wisdom into an audience. Maybe wisdom is overrated and not everyone cares to learn something useful in every single piece of content they consume. After all, do millions of viewers watch the Kardashians every year to come away from the experience feeling smarter? Doubtful. But they are sustaining their popularity for a good reason: people respect authenticity, regardless of its format.
So, all of this is to say hello again if you’ve read my previous posts, and welcome if this is the first thing you ever read from me. I’m looking forward to sharing more work, more often, and I promise not to let Resistance win. Neither should you.